"This is her world... where we all belong"

September 10th, 2004

Hey Britney!

Sorry it’s me again, but there’s something I just HAVE to tell you.
Well you know I’m a songwriter, OK? And you also know about the WoB Community. Well I combined the two things and came up with the song that has just been posted on the main WorldofBritney.com site, with a message specially addressed to you! I have kind of realized from over the years that you have quite a short memory, but Ruben Garay is the founder of this site, and I believe you spoke to him while you were shooting the “Me Against The Music” video. Well you can download the song there, but I thought I’d just like to show you the lyrics:

There is a place that we call home
A new sense of freedom, where we not alone
Up with the stars, that's where we'll find
The girl that we love spreading love divine

So that's where she'll be, on a bed of roses
Surrounded by soldiers, that we all call fans
This is her world, where we all belong
Where we stand together, where we watch her grow

Sing us a song one more time
She's done it again, she's looking so fine
That lucky girl, the touch of her hand
Is driving us crazy everytime she's bad

This is her world... where we all belong...We stand together... we watch her grow (repeat x2)


Well I sincerely hope you like them, they have meaning to all your fans.
Listen, I can’t sit and chat to you today, because I’ve still got to write an article for my school newspaper (which has to be handed in today and I haven’t even started). I’ll try get back to you as soon as I can.

Nikki

"how you get there is just your problem"

September 9th, 2004

Hello Britney,

I have finally taken another step relating this whole monologue. I now do not only understand YOU, as I don’t understand some people that think they know more about you than me. How can I, other fans, and sometimes your closest relationships… even think that we know you… when not even you know yourself yet. I’m going to base myself on the kind words someone just told me… “sometimes people need to figure things out for themselves. Sometimes people have given so much of their lives to others that they just need some time to find out who they are, and mend their heart after they have been badly burned before”. Yeah, that’s you… And that’s exactly why there are a few important things I have got to tell you.
First of all, and I think I have mentioned this before, I didn’t start writing these letters out of the blue. They were (and are) the result of a few sessions with the psichologyst at school. I write you these letters not because I know you gonna read them, but just because there are certain things that need to be said. If I include the other letters I have already written, there are a total of 39 letters. I have not sent out one. And the reason why is because they’ll never get to you. They would either land up in between the thousands of letters you receive everyday, or, even if I were to hand you a letter personally, it would go imediately to the garbage bin. I don’t need that.
Then there’s another thing I really need to tell you. I don’t regret a single word I wrote in my last letter… but I’m going to leave that all behind, for I have reached another conclusion. There are a dozen of people outside my door (not literally, but you get what I mean), and all these people tell me to just leave you behind. They call you things I shall not mention in this letter, but I assure you that you wouldn’t like to hear it. I don’t defend you anymore. Maybe because I’m tired, or maybe because I just don’t know how to defend you anymore. But one thing is certain: I am about to disappoint those people right now, and who knows maybe even disappoint myself. But I can’t leave you… I just feel that I can’t desert you at a time you need your fans most. I’m religious, but it has nothing to do with this faith I feel within. You are going to find your way, and how you get there is just your problem. But I’m going to wait a little longer and hang on to someone that doesn’t really exist anymore. Because you’re human, you’re growing up, and although you’re famous and all that crap, you have the right to make mistakes.

One last thing: I’ve given up on Kevin too. I know I used to be obsessed with you and Justin, but I guess you can’t control somebody else’s destiny. So I still don’t give a damn about Kevin and whatever it is you see in him. Five years ago I became your fan, not his. And I hope that this Greatest Hits album that is coming out in November doesn’t state the end of a career which still has so much to give…

Nikki

P.S: I read what your mom said on the oficial site, and if all she said was true, then I’m really sorry about criticising you for something that wasn’t your fault.

"I seriously don’t care"

September 6th, 2004

Dearest Britney,

Hello! Long time no see. And my I just say that in while it will be “no see long time”. Why? Because I’m TIRED. Yes, TIRED. You know very well that we all have the right to be tired of something, which many times leads to a very expected break. So this letter isn’t really gonna be short and sweet. I’ve been keeping a few things on my chest right now, and it’s time to let everything go.

So here’s the deal… Remember me telling you in my last letter that I wasn’t obsessed with what you do or don’t do? Well… I still remain with that idea. But something new is bothering me: your existence. Yesterday I spent the whole day just thinking about episodes in my life that involved you. The psychologists, my friends, teachers and even my family… all of these people had one thing in common: you control a part of my life. Well you do it in your own subconscious, because of course you don’t know who I am or what I do. What I am about to say right now shouldn’t be taken very seriously, because I’m not feeling very well.

OK… So last night I closed my eyes and the first thought that came to my mind was… your existence. So I dived into my subconscious and tried to modify that reality. So I imagined that you were… dead. You just didn’t exist anymore. But do you know what happened then? I pictured myself going into a real depression. I literally isolated myself from everybody and couldn’t live with myself anymore. I blamed myself for everything that had happened. It was horrible. And every time I tried to open my eyes, everything remained dark. My soul felt so troubled. The only thing I could think of at the time was bringing you back. I’m not talking crap, this really happened last night.

So when I woke up this morning, my head felt heavy, so heavy I could hardly bear it on my shoulders. So then I switched on the computer and decided to write you this letter. But there are still a few things I would like you to know…
I think I’ve told you about WoB, right? Well it stands for World of Britney and it’s a site created by Ruben Garay. While time passed, it started becoming more than just a site. Today it’s the internet’s largest Britney community. We’ve got out own forums where all the WoBbers discuss everything that’s possible to discuss. These last few days have been quite uptight, due to the last events. Missing the VMA’s was understandable, missing the Camp was pitiful, dissing your fans… something we’re still trying to figure out. Everybody’s been talking so many bad things about you, and sometimes I just feel like sitting down and forgetting I ever knew you. I’m SICK and tired of trying to be polite amongst the WoBbers, and it’s time that I finally let it out that I don’t like Kevin, I don’t like your latest decisions, I don’t like your latest lifestyle, I don’t like your latest attitudes, this is obviously a very dark age. But you know what? I don’t care. I seriously don’t care.
In eight days I’m going to see Madonna live. Although it’s a Madonna concert, I’ll be manifesting my love for you (I have my ways). But you know what? After that it means “bye bye”. Because instead of trying to fix up your life, I’m going to fix up mine. Whatever you do now is up to you. I’ll keep on loving you (for sure), but I won’t be expressing it anymore. And I swear I’ll keep hanging on because I believe that you’ll come back to us. I’m not asking you to go back to being the “old Britney”. No one really wants that. We all want you to grow up with us. But please prove that you more than what everyone says you are. If you’re happy with Kevin, whatever I don’t care. It’s not HIM we care about, it’s you.
Last but not least, I cannot help to comment something that happened a few days ago on my blog. As you know all these letters that I send to you are also posted on my personal blog, so that people can see what I’m going through (and also because I know you never read them). However, I received a comment addressed to the letter before this one called “I don’t like playing with fire”. Someone, calling him/herself “britney” wrote:

"this is britney spears.i am sorry you dont have what i have, but please leave me and kevin alone! we're in love and you are just jelus!"

One… it’s “jealous”… Second of all, I don’t want Kevin nor your lifestyle. I just always imagined you could be the big sister I never had. I hope you understand that and wish me luck for this “break”. Hopefully it won’t last for as long as yours.

Nikki