"I seriously don’t care"
September 6th, 2004
Dearest Britney,
Hello! Long time no see. And my I just say that in while it will be “no see long time”. Why? Because I’m TIRED. Yes, TIRED. You know very well that we all have the right to be tired of something, which many times leads to a very expected break. So this letter isn’t really gonna be short and sweet. I’ve been keeping a few things on my chest right now, and it’s time to let everything go.
So here’s the deal… Remember me telling you in my last letter that I wasn’t obsessed with what you do or don’t do? Well… I still remain with that idea. But something new is bothering me: your existence. Yesterday I spent the whole day just thinking about episodes in my life that involved you. The psychologists, my friends, teachers and even my family… all of these people had one thing in common: you control a part of my life. Well you do it in your own subconscious, because of course you don’t know who I am or what I do. What I am about to say right now shouldn’t be taken very seriously, because I’m not feeling very well.
OK… So last night I closed my eyes and the first thought that came to my mind was… your existence. So I dived into my subconscious and tried to modify that reality. So I imagined that you were… dead. You just didn’t exist anymore. But do you know what happened then? I pictured myself going into a real depression. I literally isolated myself from everybody and couldn’t live with myself anymore. I blamed myself for everything that had happened. It was horrible. And every time I tried to open my eyes, everything remained dark. My soul felt so troubled. The only thing I could think of at the time was bringing you back. I’m not talking crap, this really happened last night.
So when I woke up this morning, my head felt heavy, so heavy I could hardly bear it on my shoulders. So then I switched on the computer and decided to write you this letter. But there are still a few things I would like you to know…
I think I’ve told you about WoB, right? Well it stands for World of Britney and it’s a site created by Ruben Garay. While time passed, it started becoming more than just a site. Today it’s the internet’s largest Britney community. We’ve got out own forums where all the WoBbers discuss everything that’s possible to discuss. These last few days have been quite uptight, due to the last events. Missing the VMA’s was understandable, missing the Camp was pitiful, dissing your fans… something we’re still trying to figure out. Everybody’s been talking so many bad things about you, and sometimes I just feel like sitting down and forgetting I ever knew you. I’m SICK and tired of trying to be polite amongst the WoBbers, and it’s time that I finally let it out that I don’t like Kevin, I don’t like your latest decisions, I don’t like your latest lifestyle, I don’t like your latest attitudes, this is obviously a very dark age. But you know what? I don’t care. I seriously don’t care.
In eight days I’m going to see Madonna live. Although it’s a Madonna concert, I’ll be manifesting my love for you (I have my ways). But you know what? After that it means “bye bye”. Because instead of trying to fix up your life, I’m going to fix up mine. Whatever you do now is up to you. I’ll keep on loving you (for sure), but I won’t be expressing it anymore. And I swear I’ll keep hanging on because I believe that you’ll come back to us. I’m not asking you to go back to being the “old Britney”. No one really wants that. We all want you to grow up with us. But please prove that you more than what everyone says you are. If you’re happy with Kevin, whatever I don’t care. It’s not HIM we care about, it’s you.
Last but not least, I cannot help to comment something that happened a few days ago on my blog. As you know all these letters that I send to you are also posted on my personal blog, so that people can see what I’m going through (and also because I know you never read them). However, I received a comment addressed to the letter before this one called “I don’t like playing with fire”. Someone, calling him/herself “britney” wrote:
Hello! Long time no see. And my I just say that in while it will be “no see long time”. Why? Because I’m TIRED. Yes, TIRED. You know very well that we all have the right to be tired of something, which many times leads to a very expected break. So this letter isn’t really gonna be short and sweet. I’ve been keeping a few things on my chest right now, and it’s time to let everything go.
So here’s the deal… Remember me telling you in my last letter that I wasn’t obsessed with what you do or don’t do? Well… I still remain with that idea. But something new is bothering me: your existence. Yesterday I spent the whole day just thinking about episodes in my life that involved you. The psychologists, my friends, teachers and even my family… all of these people had one thing in common: you control a part of my life. Well you do it in your own subconscious, because of course you don’t know who I am or what I do. What I am about to say right now shouldn’t be taken very seriously, because I’m not feeling very well.
OK… So last night I closed my eyes and the first thought that came to my mind was… your existence. So I dived into my subconscious and tried to modify that reality. So I imagined that you were… dead. You just didn’t exist anymore. But do you know what happened then? I pictured myself going into a real depression. I literally isolated myself from everybody and couldn’t live with myself anymore. I blamed myself for everything that had happened. It was horrible. And every time I tried to open my eyes, everything remained dark. My soul felt so troubled. The only thing I could think of at the time was bringing you back. I’m not talking crap, this really happened last night.
So when I woke up this morning, my head felt heavy, so heavy I could hardly bear it on my shoulders. So then I switched on the computer and decided to write you this letter. But there are still a few things I would like you to know…
I think I’ve told you about WoB, right? Well it stands for World of Britney and it’s a site created by Ruben Garay. While time passed, it started becoming more than just a site. Today it’s the internet’s largest Britney community. We’ve got out own forums where all the WoBbers discuss everything that’s possible to discuss. These last few days have been quite uptight, due to the last events. Missing the VMA’s was understandable, missing the Camp was pitiful, dissing your fans… something we’re still trying to figure out. Everybody’s been talking so many bad things about you, and sometimes I just feel like sitting down and forgetting I ever knew you. I’m SICK and tired of trying to be polite amongst the WoBbers, and it’s time that I finally let it out that I don’t like Kevin, I don’t like your latest decisions, I don’t like your latest lifestyle, I don’t like your latest attitudes, this is obviously a very dark age. But you know what? I don’t care. I seriously don’t care.
In eight days I’m going to see Madonna live. Although it’s a Madonna concert, I’ll be manifesting my love for you (I have my ways). But you know what? After that it means “bye bye”. Because instead of trying to fix up your life, I’m going to fix up mine. Whatever you do now is up to you. I’ll keep on loving you (for sure), but I won’t be expressing it anymore. And I swear I’ll keep hanging on because I believe that you’ll come back to us. I’m not asking you to go back to being the “old Britney”. No one really wants that. We all want you to grow up with us. But please prove that you more than what everyone says you are. If you’re happy with Kevin, whatever I don’t care. It’s not HIM we care about, it’s you.
Last but not least, I cannot help to comment something that happened a few days ago on my blog. As you know all these letters that I send to you are also posted on my personal blog, so that people can see what I’m going through (and also because I know you never read them). However, I received a comment addressed to the letter before this one called “I don’t like playing with fire”. Someone, calling him/herself “britney” wrote:
"this is britney spears.i am sorry you dont have what i have, but please leave me and kevin alone! we're in love and you are just jelus!"
One… it’s “jealous”… Second of all, I don’t want Kevin nor your lifestyle. I just always imagined you could be the big sister I never had. I hope you understand that and wish me luck for this “break”. Hopefully it won’t last for as long as yours.
Nikki
posted by monologuewithher @ 2:50 AM
3 Comments:
sweetie... just remember that sometimes people need to figure things out for themselves. Sometimes people have given so much of their lives to others that they just need some time to find out who they are, and mend their heart after they have been badly burned before.... just know that your words are appreciated.. and have faith that things will work out.
that rude comment posted was NOT britney.
thank you so much for all your sweet words..
I hope that you really are aware that Britney will never read it. And that she doesn't care. And if you meet her, she still won't care. Why don't you...I dunno, grow up and get a hero of substance and content? You really overshoot the mark with your special brand of craziness, don't you?
thanks b. for YOUR kind words. Comparing your comments with others, I truly believe that you know far more about Britney then the others. I'll be posting another letter soon, telling "Britney" that i'm not gonna give up on her anymore... But it's quite a complicated story ;)
Oh and Natalie... yes I know that Britney doesn't read these letters and I know that she doesn't care. Well i don't know about that third part, because last time I checked, you don't kno Britney any better than i do. Maybe now is the time you think about why i named this blog Monologue With Her. And next time you feel like caling someone crazy.. please reflect a little , for you are totally contradicting urself.
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