"how you get there is just your problem"

September 9th, 2004

Hello Britney,

I have finally taken another step relating this whole monologue. I now do not only understand YOU, as I don’t understand some people that think they know more about you than me. How can I, other fans, and sometimes your closest relationships… even think that we know you… when not even you know yourself yet. I’m going to base myself on the kind words someone just told me… “sometimes people need to figure things out for themselves. Sometimes people have given so much of their lives to others that they just need some time to find out who they are, and mend their heart after they have been badly burned before”. Yeah, that’s you… And that’s exactly why there are a few important things I have got to tell you.
First of all, and I think I have mentioned this before, I didn’t start writing these letters out of the blue. They were (and are) the result of a few sessions with the psichologyst at school. I write you these letters not because I know you gonna read them, but just because there are certain things that need to be said. If I include the other letters I have already written, there are a total of 39 letters. I have not sent out one. And the reason why is because they’ll never get to you. They would either land up in between the thousands of letters you receive everyday, or, even if I were to hand you a letter personally, it would go imediately to the garbage bin. I don’t need that.
Then there’s another thing I really need to tell you. I don’t regret a single word I wrote in my last letter… but I’m going to leave that all behind, for I have reached another conclusion. There are a dozen of people outside my door (not literally, but you get what I mean), and all these people tell me to just leave you behind. They call you things I shall not mention in this letter, but I assure you that you wouldn’t like to hear it. I don’t defend you anymore. Maybe because I’m tired, or maybe because I just don’t know how to defend you anymore. But one thing is certain: I am about to disappoint those people right now, and who knows maybe even disappoint myself. But I can’t leave you… I just feel that I can’t desert you at a time you need your fans most. I’m religious, but it has nothing to do with this faith I feel within. You are going to find your way, and how you get there is just your problem. But I’m going to wait a little longer and hang on to someone that doesn’t really exist anymore. Because you’re human, you’re growing up, and although you’re famous and all that crap, you have the right to make mistakes.

One last thing: I’ve given up on Kevin too. I know I used to be obsessed with you and Justin, but I guess you can’t control somebody else’s destiny. So I still don’t give a damn about Kevin and whatever it is you see in him. Five years ago I became your fan, not his. And I hope that this Greatest Hits album that is coming out in November doesn’t state the end of a career which still has so much to give…

Nikki

P.S: I read what your mom said on the oficial site, and if all she said was true, then I’m really sorry about criticising you for something that wasn’t your fault.