"I need you to know that I exist"

August 3rd, 2004

Dearest Britney,

I have just about lost count of all the letters I’ve sent you, but I think they are around thirty. Well, the truth is, right now thirty letters lay inside one of my notebooks because I didn’t send anyone out. So later on I might start talking about things you “supposed” to know of. But I promise I’ll try to avoid complicated situations (which is one of the reasons why those letters were never sent out). So I guess it’s starting from zero again…
Well my name is Dominique, but I am well-known as Nikki. I’ve never told you my age, because I don’t find it important for you to understand what I’m trying to say. But I would consider that fact that I’m living in Portugal an important detail. For me to be writing this letter, it could only mean two things: either I’m one of those ignorant people that find all the time in the world to write you hate-letters, or I’m just a simple, devoted fan, wanting to be heard after five years of complete dedication. The second option applies to me, actually. And I know you’ve probably heard this hundreds of times, so you’re just about to tear this letter apart and through it into a bin, thinking “Well it must be just another one of those letters where someone I don’t even know explains how much he loves me and really wants to meet me…”
Well guess what, Britney? I am one of those idiots that really love you and dream of meeting you. But my passion goes a bit more beyond that. I need you to know that I exist, that I wake up everyday thinking about and wondering what you might be doing. I need you to know that you’ve seen me, but my face probably faded away amongst the thousands of other fans around me. Last but not least, I need you to hear me out, listen to what I’ve got to say. I might not be your mother, sister, or best friend… but I’m someone that really cares about you, and right now that’s all that matters.
I admit that this “first” letter didn’t come out as well as planned. Probably because I’m hungry and can already smell the chicken and spaghetti waiting for me in the kitchen. So all I ask is for you to look out for my messy envelopes, because I promise that my next letters will be a lot more expiring, and there may be a few things about me you would like to know…

Nikki